So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
