nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
