Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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