i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
