i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There's always time for handjobs
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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