I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he was CRYING into my vagina
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize