dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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