i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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