i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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