I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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