Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
cat food counts as protein by the way
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I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
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The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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