but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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