Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He shit in the fireplace
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
