you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We talked him into tasing himself.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
