please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
