I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
