He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
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and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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