Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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