how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
