the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
