R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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