I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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