I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Brb crying the tears of my youth
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
