My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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