I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
