Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
