i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
