apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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