I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
