You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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