talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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