omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
