i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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