I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
