My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
