Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
