I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
