His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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