When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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