Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
