Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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