Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
two words...techno handjob
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
A bitchslap is in order.
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