Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
