They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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