How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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