Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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