I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
