No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
