Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
