If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
