i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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