Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
my poor anus
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
