hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
