I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
