You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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