I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
