There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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