I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
