Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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