haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
