don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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