Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
