Already got asked if we're dating
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
