Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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