I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
