My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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