I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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