guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
only you would photoshop your dick
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
