I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
