i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
