I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
