My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
