i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
