just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
