Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
BRING THE BAGELS
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
