my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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