Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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