Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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