wake up i wanna do it froggy style
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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