What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
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He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Holy sore nipples Batman
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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