I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
