where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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