talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
