Where did you get a picture of my penis
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
