Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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