i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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