Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
